Category: concern

Travelling the Road Part two writing 101

https://revrevolving.wordpress.com/2015/04/09/travelling-the-road-part-one-writing-101-day-four/

By the time I became the first ever board certified chaplain in my healthcare system, no seminary, no college, no ecclesiastical endorsement ( a statement from the ordaining denomination), and only one unit of CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) or some church experience was required to become a chaplain in our system. My departmental manager’s lack of credentials had become departmental standards. I had worked to become an asset, in a system where negative consequences were now the rule for positive achievement. Trusted friends responded with sadness, compassion and understanding when I told them it was time to go.

I spend my days in relief and in grief. Relief from the stress of departmental policies, grief in this seemingly unfathomable outcome. It is as if someone is throwing a switch I seem to have no control over. Relief at not having to wonder whether I’ll trigger an office land mine for accomplishments I’ve worked for. Grief over the loss of work friends. Relief at being able to express myself without fear of reprisal. Grief over the loss of working with a staff chaplain who could finish my sentences. Relief that I have time to tend to the stuff piling up at home. Grief over reluctantly giving up work that I love.

It is easier to surround oneself with the burdens of others. This is particularly true in hospital ministry where a loss of a limb or an impending death is right in front of you. There is less time to think of one’s own concerns when caregiving to another. There was comfort in being too busy and wishing for time to do what I want. Now I have time; Where did all those things I want to do go? I am on a new path and I don’t know the way. My steps are uncertain. I don’t know this path.  The road signs seem to have vanished. Who am I, if not a chaplain?

Writing 101 Day 6 and 7 Sunlight and Shadow

Today I’ve decided to combine two assignments to create a character study in contrasts.

One minute exuberant,  the next subdued she changes almost as often as the weather.  Sunny and warm, cold and aloof, one never knows. Her good humor lights the room when she walks in and folks cannot Help being draw to her like a moth to a flame. Her light is bright and yet if you get too close you will be burned. She can be dangerous.

If you wish to be in her good graces, you must know the rules. The problem is that the rules change on her whim. When you do not “obey” the rules of engagement as she currently understands them, prepare for the fury of tornadic intensity. Once you set off the storm, it can last for days that turn into months.

She cannot seem to help it. Her life has been full of unresolved pain. The problem is, like an overstuffed closet, the items that haunt her spill out at those she says she loves. The ones she wanted love from caused her damage from their own personal storms, and the unaddressed wreckage has lasted all of her life. She sees nothing strange in her behavior and is unaware that the fury she spouts hits others. Like steam from a boiling kettle; get too close and you will get burned. It is when the spray seems harmless that one tends to overlook safety precautions. This is when those who encounter her are most vulnerable. She could be anyone you know. She is a narcissist.