Travelling the Road Part two writing 101

https://revrevolving.wordpress.com/2015/04/09/travelling-the-road-part-one-writing-101-day-four/

By the time IĀ became the first ever board certified chaplain in my healthcare system,Ā noĀ seminary, no college, no ecclesiastical endorsement ( a statement from the ordaining denomination), and only one unitĀ of CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) or some church experience was required to become a chaplain inĀ ourĀ system. My departmental manager’s lack of credentials had become departmental standards. I had worked to become an asset, in a system where negative consequences were now the rule for positive achievement. Trusted friends responded with sadness, compassion and understanding when I told them it was time to go.

I spend my days in relief and in grief. Relief from the stress ofĀ departmental policies, grief in this seemingly unfathomable outcome. ItĀ is asĀ if someone is throwing a switch I seem to have no control over. ReliefĀ at not having to wonder whether I’ll trigger an office land mine for accomplishments I’ve worked for. GriefĀ overĀ the loss of work friends. Relief at being able to express myself withoutĀ fear of reprisal. Grief over the loss of working with a staff chaplainĀ whoĀ could finish my sentences. Relief that I have time to tend to the stuffĀ piling up at home. Grief over reluctantly giving up work that I love.

It is easier to surround oneself with the burdens of others. This isĀ particularly true in hospital ministry where a loss of a limb or anĀ impendingĀ death is right in front of you. There is less time to think of one’s ownĀ concerns when caregiving to another. There was comfort in being too busyĀ andĀ wishing for time to do what I want. Now I have time; Where did all thoseĀ things I want to do go? I am on a new path and I don’t know the way. MyĀ stepsĀ are uncertain. I don’t know this path. Ā The road signs seem to have vanished. Who am I, if not a chaplain?