Love to walk, do not like running. My body rebels and yet I push it to like running. Why? Something else to master? What happens if I don’t? Nothing. Or maybe I will think I’ve not succeeded at something? Oh well, it happens every day. When will I be happy with me? This is not a pity/poor me thing. Rather it is a recognition of my need to drive myself to succeed at things. When will I be content? Where does the restlessness come from? When will being me be enough? All these questions. Answers changing all the time. Working on self-acceptance. Many have written on this and I have nothing particularly new to add. It is a process and like my thoughts, the process varies day to day. In yoga teacher training we were taught various meditations. In studying I’ve read several variations of this one.
May you and I be healthy.
May you and I be safe.
May you and I be happy.
May you and I live with ease.
These are things that I wish and pray for for my family and friends. These are the things that I wish for all people. These are the things that matter. I will work on running. I will wonder why I do this. I will mostly love walking. I will practice the walking meditation I learned years ago and walk with the Buddhist Bodhisattva of compassion. Kwan Zeon Bosai.
Why does running provoke such questions?! For today, running is limited to one songs worth of exercise. But, such a song to get going to!
Vacation ends soon
Work beckons, Should I respond?
What is required?
Today, my life is my work
Tomorrow, work is my life
Yesterday, I started to write in a way I don’t normally. It felt playful and fun. There were no deadlines, unless I imposed one so the novelty of the experience increased the joy. Time to ponder, a grey day with firelight and candles, a pot of good soup to enjoy, a serendipitous moment of connection with Joho, and a good book to read. All these things though seemingly small created a memorable day. May all our days be full of small moments that create goodness and joy.
like a creaky door
my dog makes squeaky noises
as she sleeps and dreams
Recently I read that Tankas are a form of Haiku that add two lines of seven syllables each. This format may have preceded the Haiku form. Both challenge the writer and perhaps the reader to consider how effective language can be when not overused. I wish my work allowed me to use Haiku as a format, but as an avocation it is an enjoyable pursuit.
Winter winds wander through it
Turning and churning
Thoughts are whirligigs as well
Spinning thoughts can bear good fruit
Nature seeks to serve itself
Grace lives to appreciate and find joy
May my life embody grace
In the movie Tree of Life, Terrence Mallick’s character Mrs. O’Brien opens the movie saying, “The Nun’s taught us there were two ways through Life, the way of nature and the way of grace.”
This year I wanted to search out the ways of grace in my life and the ways I hope to offer grace to others. Grace, according to the movie accepts the things in life that nature struggles with. Grace is content to be. Nature, is looking for self gratification and for others to tend to it’s needs. Grace finds happiness, or at least peace, even in the things that are disturbing and Grace understand that there is a world of joy and contentment, if we will let it in.
This year, even though I am starting later than I planned, and for the next 364 days I want to explore the idea of small graces and everyday happiness. My hope is to become more gracious/grace-like in the exploration. To understand what is beneath the ways of nature about me that I prefer to hide. To hope that in exploring the “nature” aspects I may become more graceful in accepting them about myself. I hope to find the moments of grace that are akin to a deepening faith and an abiding sense of trust in the universe, and in those I love and who love me.